Monday, November 30, 2009

Ready To Bust Mah Pod!




November 30, 2009

Dear Journal,

I feel like we've been in couple's therapy, you and I. A little intense, as if we were bound at the hip. Each day of this month I knew you were waiting for me, waiting to see if I could be faithful. Apparently the answer is no. I wander. I stray. Sometimes you're out of sight, out of mind.

It's not you, it's me.

I'm flirting with life, you see, the wider world where things happen and I stir the magic cauldron with my very own hand. It's not just kitchen and garden and sewing machine anymore. I need further fields. I have this urge to run away from the beckoning of your screen and taste foreign fruit.

I

want

more.

More! more! more! I'm insatiable! I get bored, and as much as those real live people out there drive me crazy sometimes, I find myself drawn into that world of busy-ness and complication, of strangeness and exotic ideas. I want to know everything!

And then,

and then I want to be able to come home, and roost, and let it all slosh over me and distill until it's potent and eye-wateringly strong, and just a drop can dispel a host of ills. I want to sit with it in stillness. I want to watch it take germinate in the dark and send out roots and take hold in the soil of where I'm at.

That's all I want. Just everything.

3 comments:

CONSTANTINE said...

Be careful what you wish for; I live in that "world of busy-ness and complication, of strangeness and exotic ideas" and it is frequently mad. Also, the notion of being "able to come home, and roost, and let it all slosh over me and distill until it's potent and eye-wateringly strong, and just a drop can dispel a host of ills. I want to sit with it in stillness. I want to watch it take germinate in the dark and send out roots and take hold in the soil of where I'm at" is very difficult to grasp in this world.

I'm not saying I hate it or that it doesn't have its advantages that I greatly appreciate and value, but it IS a matrix.

Madcap said...

Yeah, it' a tough mix. I used to live a very "busy" life with a lot of events, and I kind of remember that. I think what I want more of most of all is the opportunity to sharpen my thinking and my skills against people who know a lot more than I do about the human body and its intricacies.

But yes, I know what you mean. You're right. I could be biting of a lot more than I can chew.

Mercutio said...

You are wonderful.
And were you not, this desiring would not be within you.

I wish you well on your journey.