Saturday, November 14, 2009

2 A.M.

"The way to learn to do things is to do things. The way to learn a trade is to work at it. Success teaches how to succeed. Being with the determination to succeed, and the work is half done already." - Anon

I drive myself crazy, always living in the future, always fussing about what I haven't done yet. And you know, I think that's part of why I keep getting things done, so I'm not going to come down too hard on myself, but still. There's got to be some moderation.

Learning. I want to know more. It makes my heart leap when I hear about other people in middle life still pursuing new skills and understanding. Like Deb. She's studying herbalism. Too cool! Actually, my first thought was that it would be great to splice with her and share the brain-pool, so I could know that stuff without trying to shoehorn it into my head.

Last night I woke up in the wee hours, suddenly thinking about someone I knew a long time ago. We worked together. She had a baby, and the child was severely handicapped. I went to visit at the hospital, and brought a gift, but I didn't really hold the situation in my heart. I wasn't committed to real compassion, to seeing her life.

Suddenly, at two o'clock this morning, I remembered that, and was so sad that I'd been too immature and wrapped up in myself to be with her. I hadn't learned how. I'm still learning, and I hope I'd do things differently if faced with a similar situation again. I don't know. I hope so. I hope I'm still learning compassion and presence.

Learning just takes time, and it takes doing. You learn a trade by getting your hands into it, you learn life by living. I guess it's unrealistic to expect that I can be more of a person than I am with the limited experience that I have. I'm not particularly committed to reincarnation, but if there was ever an argument that would sway me, that would be it - that I'd make progress faster along the path next time I cover the same territory, and cause less hurt.

8 comments:

Deb said...

My herbal lesson yesterday: chamomile tea does have calming effects, but it's impossible to administer it to a 7 year old who is in the midst of a meltdown. We both would have been better off if I would have just drunk it myself!

Madcap said...

How about a topical application?

;-)

Shadowmoss said...

I tried changing settings on my blog to allow it to show updates on your list. I don't seem to be having much luck with that 'new' skill as yet, though.

clairesgarden said...

sure there was a comment in my head, but its vanished now in the contemplation of the 'topical application' of cammomile...... it roughly translates into scottish as 'chuck the tea on the wee buggers head'

Deb said...

"chuck the tea on the wee bugger's head"...LOL! I'll have to remember that for next time!

Madcap said...

Claire, you're a mind-reader!

CONSTANTINE said...

Yes, yes, yes! (Except for the reincarnation part. Grin. I sure as hell hope it ain't so.) Beautiful post my fried. My thought on the subject: learning is cradle to grave...and I'm hopeful afterward, too.

You said, "...I didn't really hold the situation in my heart." Ah, I beg to differ, amiga. Like the good Mr. B. says, "listen to your life."

Madcap said...

Definitely, I hope for "afterward". I know my thoughts on the matter are, by definition, limited, but the idea of spending an eternity in mindless bliss gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies!