Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Sap Rising

Photo credit: bosela from morguefile.com

In Chinese medicine terms, spring is the season that correlates with the Wood element; rising energies, forward motion, plans and instigations. The organs associated are Liver and Gall-bladder. The colour is green, the positive emotion is benevolence, as in benevolent action towards promoting justice, the negative emotion is ANGER.

I'm feeling a lot of Wood energy this morning, this month. Sometimes it's anger, but overall it's like I'm finally returning to my original nature, my natural disposition towards creativity, planning, making things happen. Lord, it's been such a long time... Years. Finally I'm not trudging through depression anymore - it's spring in every sense!

And part of this is that I'm pushing some issues that were in danger of being left to die a slow death. Last fall I found out that a practitioner had been slagging me and my husband online. Talk about angry! And as hard as that was, and as angry as I was, I think it really lit the fire under my ass that has warmed me into action and interaction with life again.

A few weeks ago, after months of silence from the regulating board, I wrote an e-mail asking what had happened to my case, since I hadn't heard anything since the initial reception. That was difficult for me to do. A part of me wants to just let it fall between the cracks, the part of me that feels like everything is actually my fault, and that any grievance I have against anyone else will turn on me and become my own death sentence. But I took a big breath and wrote it anyway. My rational mind knows that what went down was completely out of bounds, and happened even before I had any significant dealings with this person, and that an impartial third party has no choice but to recognize that, especially since I have it in writing. I try to listen to my rational mind.

Yesterday I received a letter in the mail, stating that the grievance process was going forward, and scheduling an appointment with us to take our oral statements. Everything in me that had been dormant leapt into overdrive; anxiety, anger. Since then I've been trying to round up these wild cows and refocus. But jeepers - the anger is huge and explosive, the anxiety runs my heart a little faster, worries me into taking some of the blame for something I never had a hand in. Good thing I've opened a more constructive outlet for it. More constructive than the violence I'd begun to fantasize about, anyway. Destructive for her, possibly. Constructive for me. And ultimately, if it deconstructs her hubris towards clients, that's a win for her too, though I'm sure it won't feel like it at the time. And for her other clients, whom I assume she treats in the same way. Though maybe not so much anymore, since she's been found out.

I used to be a very angry person all the time, and I trained myself out of it. Part of that was religious ideals, part of it was sheer practicality. Ya gotta get along to get along, you know? Inviting people to f*** off and die doesn't usually help matters much, in any situation. But I trained myself too well. I trained myself into something I'm not, and it was killing me. This rising sap that's so much a part of my make-up needs to be acknowledged, because it's the source of my creation and the fantasies that lead to action. My sparkling frustration is a signal that something is NOT RIGHT. And that's good to know. Now I need to learn to take those sparks and light a torch that can lead me into parts unknown, to slay the dragons that decimate the inner countryside.

Speaking of dragons... I actually have a bit of an affinity for them, my last phrase notwithstanding. Not Disney dragons, or dragons as a symbol of evil, but Chinese dragons. In Asian culture, dragons are water spirits, a good omen. I once had a marvellous dream about a cloud dragon, twisting in the mist in front of me. I'm not sure what it meant, but I tucked it away in my heart and think about it from time to time. It's a something. Someday I think I'll know.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Calling Mary Anne!

I most daftly lost your address - could you send it again please? I have something to send...


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Salmon Dip

I don't think I've posted this recipe before, but the spirit's moving me now. I've been up for the past hour, since 5 a.m., prepping food for the day since supper doesn't make itself and I'm committing the Great Wednesday Runaround. So I'm pulling chickens out of the freezer, peeling potatoes, mulling over veggies - as well as packing for the trip.

One of the things on my list was this salmon dip, more for the travel portion of the day than the supper end. It's tasty protein, portable, and gluten-free. I find travelling GF to be a pain in the knickers. With rice-crackers, this stuff is marvellous. I got the recipe from my sister-in-law, and I don't know where she got it, but I'm forever grateful.

So -

1 brick cream cheese
1 tin salmon
zest and juice of 1/2 a lemon
generous dusting of dill
fresh ground black pepper

Mix. Eat with rice crackers.

Actually, I don't use the pepper anymore, as it seems to annoy my body into constant hunger, but it's still very good without it.

And now for something completely different...

Someone told me the other day that she rarely blows her nose, maybe two or three times a year. (Context is everything, folks, and my lips are sealed.) My gaster was flabbered! In this house the walls ring from first light to last with the honking and skirling of our sinuses. I mean, not constantly, but you know, at regular intervals. And when someone arouses the somnolent dust bunnies under the furniture, the forests suffer our nasal wrath.

Now you know I hate to get personal, but can anyone one else here make a claim to blowing his/her nose a mere 2-3 times a year? It's in the cause of science, my dears.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The Aubergine and I

I'll admit, I haven't known a lot of vegans in my life, nor ovo-lacto vegetarians. I chalk that up to the fact that I've always lived in a climate that's extremely discouraging to vegetable growth for about 9 months of the year. Fresh fruits and vegetables are just a bit pricey to make an entire meal of, you know? When you're this chilly, you need a few extra calories. Fats. Personally I think I'd need to eat a truckload of fruits and vegetables in a day in order to fulfill my basic requirements for fuel. And I'd be flippin' grouchy about it.

But lately, vegan/vegetarians have been cropping up (ooh - good one, eh?) in my life with startling frequency. It's probably the circles I'm running in; massage therapists, acupuncturists, etc. Folks who already show a pronounced leaning toward DIY health.

If you want to be a vegetarian, or even a vegan, sure, I'm fine with that. It's sure as hell not a local diet, and I don't buy that it's a healthier one (especially veganism), but whatever. If you've got the money to support that habit, go for it. There are worse vices.

But you know what I've noticed about vegans in particular? This isn't a scientific study or anything, just my wool-gathering. One thing I've noticed is that all of the vegans I know are absolutely OBSESSED about food. They think about food day and night. They talk about food constantly. Every conversation gets hijacked by food issues. The other thing is, that all the vegans and wanna-be vegans I know have been sexually abused.

I'm suspecting it's just another way of expressing control, like anorexia. If you have something in your life, like food, that you can obsess about, totally control, and makes you feel like a a holy martyr who's purer than the unwashed rabble, it's easier to cope with the reality that actually the world isn't an in-control place. Stuff happens all the time, and a lot of it, well, we just have to suck it up and make the best of it.

Just a thought. I'm sure there are all kinds of people who would declare themselves an exception to my generalization, but I still think there's something there. A vegan diet, even moreso than an ovo-lacto diet, requires so much maintenance and attention that it seems like it can overrun an entire life.

Something else I've been hearing with more frequency lately is how much more "karmically sound" a vegetarian or vegan diet is.

Oh please. Let me tell you about all the little animals that get killed in the fields while big tractors harvest your quinoa. Let's talk about the human cost of the petroleum required to get the food from seed to table. Let's talk about the possibility that plants scream when you cut them down. And then you can tell me again about your superior karma.

Gack. Ain't no innocents. Not me, not you.

Sorry. This morning I seem to be out of patience. I think a coyote ate my little Maggie-cat yesterday. Dammit. I wish I could convince the coyotes to adopt a vegetarian diet.